January 2012
1 post
Do you still believe in love?
I cannot remember how long it’s been since I posted here. It’s been over a year, at least. I haven’t checked that email in well over a year. Maybe I should go and check to see what hidden messages are there. There’s probably all kinds of great stuff in that inbox. I remember getting some of the best messages during the height of this blog. You guys were the absolute...
October 2010
1 post
I started writing this post at 9:00 AM.
At this moment, I’m sitting here waiting on her text telling me that we should break up. It’s a repeating cycle. I know it’s coming. We just got off of the phone and soon enough she’ll text me telling me that she needs a break or something like that. I don’t care to respond. I’m just going to get all of my emotions out right now before that text even comes...
July 2010
1 post
I promised myself that I would never come back to...
I remember the day I told myself that I wouldn’t write here anymore. It’s not because I don’t love her anymore or that we’ve broken up. We’re still together and going strong might I add. I said that I wouldn’t write here anymore because I would just tell her more and more how I feel, until I able to eloquently speak as well as I write. I’ve been telling...
February 2010
5 posts
I am so mad at you right now.
I’m highly pissed off right now. I can’t seem to sit down for more than two seconds. I’ve been trying to go to sleep just so that I’ll wake up feeling better, but I can’t get comfortable in the bed. My hands only get cold when I’m really mad. They’re cold. I feel like yelling at the top of my lungs and venting to anyone who has the ear or time to listen. I...
If you're reading this...
Lord knows that I love you. I just wish I had the money to spoil you in all the ways that I want. I know that we can’t put a monetary value on what we have, but sometimes it’s just nice to give you all of the luxuries that I know you deserve. I gave my 100% best for the last month to get money and buy you the best Valentine’s Day gift that I could afford. Somehow, I...
“In The Morning” - J. Cole
I'm still new at this.
Sex is always such a scary topic to me. I know, it’s supposed to come natural, but I’m still shy about it. It’s weird, because I’m only shy when it comes to initiating it. I’m not so shy when we’re making love, though. I don’t know how to let you know that I’m in the mood or the feel of your body next to mine makes me want to undress you and go for...
We're bipolar.
Sometimes I love you until there is no ends and I daydream about spending the rest of my life with you. Other times you make me so mad that I could just run through a wall and not get hurt based on pure adrenaline. Most days you make me smile, and others you make me cry. It’s a hell of a ride, but you make my life interesting. You give me reason, and most of all you give me love. I...
January 2010
2 posts
I love you limitlessly.
It’s been a while since I wrote in this blog. I’m up at 4am trying to find a reason to sleep and I can’t. I have such a long day tomorrow, but my thoughts are keeping me wide awake. God, they’re so pure. I love being kept awake by the thought of you. It’s truly amazing. I may have such a weird way of explaining this; but it makes the best sense to me. I guess what...
December 2009
35 posts
Day 1: I have the rest of my life to make you love...
Heartbreak is the most painful thing I have ever had to go through in my life. It’s not something that you can sleep off because it seeps into your dreams. It’s nothing that I can wake up and feel better about in the morning, because from the moment I wake up I feel a physical emptiness in my chest. All I want to do is sleep after I’ve opened my eyes, but I can’t seem to...
Day 15: Tomorrow day one all over again.
I can’t express every emotion that has come to me during my time with this blog. I have cried, laughed, and cried more. It’s been a rewarding ride; although my ultimate goal has yet to be fulfilled. I started this blog with so much ambition and hope, but as time went on I began to get discouraged. I started to question myself and if I was good enough for her. Everything I had done...
Day 9: Open & Closed.
I haven’t had a chance to sit down and really get mushy today, so I figured I’d start now. I’m one of those guys who are kept awake by his thoughts most of the night. It’s been that way for over a decade. That is, until she came along. When we first got into our relationship, I was a typical insomniac. I had been for many years, what’s to change it now? Funny thing,...
Day 8: I would rather stay asleep.
It’s been increasingly hard to wake up every morning. Usually when I wake up, she’s right next to me or downstairs somewhere. My bed has never felt so big. It’s rather weird. So, to combat all of that, I’d just rather stay asleep. Sleeping passes time until her and I can speak again. It’s easier to dream than it is to be awake without her.
I had an amazing dream last...
Hey, babe, your heart is showing.
I have the privilege to love one of the most kind hearted women that I’ve ever met. I haven’t had an immense amount of luck during our relationship. I’ve seriously been stripped of every luxury I’ve had in my life. It’s crazy, because I felt like everything I had validated me. I was proud of my material value, but not so much proud of myself as a man. Instead of...
Day 7: Thanks for all of your support.
I woke up this morning to an extreme outpour of support. I had never felt so good about what I’m doing here. The emails that I received were absolutely amazing. During this time I’ve only heard one negative comment. There’s always one in the bunch. I’m absolutely touched by every follower and every email of advice, support, or stories.
I’d like to share and respond...
Day 6: It feels like day one all over again.
I miss you so much. It’s taken every inch of me not to call you. My heart feels empty. I never would have known how much I could give a person. Without you, I don’t feel like anything. Baby, you’ve given so much color to my life. I’m back at square one. This is how I felt before you and I. Remember those nights I spent venting to you? Of course you do. I’m looking at...
Day 5: I love that she's my first and last...
I feel like my mind is on this automatic ticker. The first thing I think of when I wake up is her. She has priority over taking a shower, brushing my teeth, or even getting out of the bed. I open my eyes and all I want to see is her laying next to me. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night just to check. I’m sure I’ll have to pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming...
Day 4: Concluded.
It’s been an up and down day for me, but you know what? She was there for me like she always has been. It felt really good. Even with all of our stuff going on, she’s still the support I need, even if it’s just listening to me cry and vent. I just know that I don’t have to put up some wall of strength with her. She accepts me even when I’m weak and I love that about...
"Could of, should of, would of."
Since this the beginning of this relationship, I’ve learned that it’s actually “have.” She’s definitely upgraded me. I used to be so self conscious about some of the things I said because I didn’t want to sound stupid. Yes, I was shy. That’s what the biggest crush on a woman like her does to you. It’s really humbling; especially when you’re...
Her voice is my favorite song.
Our love is my favorite album. Sometimes the songs skip, but we always get them back on track. You know what’s the best thing about this album, though? It’s never over. It’s like getting a constant dose of your favorite artist. I haven’t had an overload, whatsoever. The songs constantly change, and every time I pop the disc in it’s a new vibe. A better vibe. So, I...
"Like, baby those are cute. I adore those."
The other morning her and I went (window) shopping. It was one of the funnest things we could have done together. I loved all of the laughs and trying to put together outfits with her. I picked out a pair of shoes that she really liked. Now, I feel like I can buy her stuff and she’ll actually wear it. At first, I was kind of afraid to buy her anything other than a T-Shirt because her style...
“Diary” - Alicia Keys
Day 4: Hey you,...
Day 3: Concluded.
What we have is precious. It’s one of those things that you know is just right. I can’t really pinpoint exactly how it all happened. Hell, I didn’t even ask her to be my girlfriend. We just came to that decision that we were together. It happened one night while she was out and a guy was harassing her. She yells at him, “Oh my God! Can’t you see I’m on the phone...
She's beautiful.
I’m admittedly captivated by her physical beauty. If you saw her, you’d feel the same way. I’ve literally had friends think I was dating some Hollywood actress. No, seriously! I’m not kidding. Let me tell you the story: When she calls me, her picture shows up on my screen. It’s a really great picture of her. Anyway, a friend who happened to be messing with my phone...
I Talked To God About You
I wrote this poem sometime last year before her and I were together. I was really conflicted because I thought that I wanted to be single, but on the other hand I had this beautiful woman who I was falling for. So, I took the time out of my days to just pray and talk to God as my father, friend, and mentor. He led me to do the right thing. I wouldn’t regret the decision I made to stop trying...
Day 3: I want her to believe.
This is one of the hardest things that I’ve had to do in my life. That sounds crazy, but it’s true. It’s hard not to tell her I love her every two seconds just to hear her say “I love you, too.” It’s hard not to kiss her when I’m with her. God, I miss her lips. Her soft, soft, soft lips. We used to talk about how we’re going to lay and just kiss for...
Day 2: Concluded.
I just came back from a walk. A lonely walk, at that. I had to clear my mind and just be. It’s a nice night. For as long as I can remember I’ve been fascinated with stars. A night like this would have been perfect to stargaze. Unfortunately, I just wasn’t into it. The stars don’t seem as beautiful as they did with her. It seems really melodramatic, but it’s the truth....
“Brown Eyed Blues” - Adrian Hood
I...
100 Things That Make Me Smile circa June 6th,...
I had been having a terrible day. She came up with this idea that I should make a list of 100 things that made me smile. One hundred things? Are you serious? That would take me forever. I didn’t care, though. She suggested it, so I did it. The list took me forever to complete, but I did. We weren’t a couple yet, by the way. I just knew that I loved her by then.
So, I’ve been...
“Beautiful” - Tweet
Let’s go...
I like when she gives me concerts.
It’s our thing. It’s just a moment where everything fits perfectly. She’ll play a song she absolutely adores and raps along with it. God, it’s the cutest thing in the world. She laughs at lines that she thinks are clever. I love her laugh. Her concerts are definitely better than listening to the actual songs. It’s really funny to hear her little voice rap these big...
One, Two, Three Dimples.
She has this beautiful smile that I can’t help but to get lost in. If you saw her smile, you’d definitely say the same thing. My Love has these dimples that are unlike any I’ve seen before. Most people have two, she uniquely has three.They’re absolutely gorgeous. The following poem is something that I wrote while looking at her smile. I wrote this with the intension of...
“Let’s Just Be” - Miguel Jontel
...
Day 1: Concluded.
So, this will be my last post of day one. This is my time to vent and just really speak. It’s been a hard day. Although I’ve been posting for most of the night, I’ve been sporadically crying since around 4PM. I know my limit when it comes to tears. In most situations my eyes can’t take anymore and my tear ducts dry up. It’s not the same when you’re crying from...
My Love Is Spiritual
This is a poem I wrote for her after an argument. I didn’t now exactly how to express what I wanted to say. I’m usually really good in expressing it through my art forms, though. I’m guessing she figured I was sitting on the phone mute, but I was actually working on putting my emotions into something more concise than my mumble-jumble-rambling.
My Love Is Spiritual By: (Fifteen...
“Stop This World” - Ne-Yo
I wrote...
I'm ashamed to admit that I think about our first...
Seriously, love makes you think about things that you wouldn’t have previously thought about. I sometimes sit down and really think about my first Christmas with her and our child together. No, we’re not like everyone else. I don’t want that in years. So, yes, the thought is always distant. Anyway, I just think about the process. I think about buying gifts for our child....
Day 1: I have fifteen days to make you fall in...
On April 11th, 2008 I met a woman that would change my life and the way that I lived it forever. It was easy to fall in love with her from the first moments we spoke. Her mind was just as gorgeous as her physical exterior. It didn’t cease to amaze me how a beautiful mind and face could coexist in one person. We’ve always been taught that the pretty girls were dumb. You can’t have...