I started writing this post at 9:00 AM.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

At this moment, I’m sitting here waiting on her text telling me that we should break up. It’s a repeating cycle. I know it’s coming. We just got off of the phone and soon enough she’ll text me telling me that she needs a break or something like that. I don’t care to respond. I’m just going to get all of my emotions out right now before that text even comes through. I don’t even know if I feel like crying or if I feel like rolling over and going to sleep.

I haven’t been sleeping much. I can’t tell you what’s truly wrong with me. I know there is a lot of stress in my life that I’m trying to deal with. I’m having more than a hard time, but I can’t give up on anything. Something has to change in my life. I don’t know what’s going on right now or where this all came from. It just seems like it hit me all at once for no reason at all. How did I get to this point? I haven’t the slightest clue. I think that’s what keepsm e up at night.

I called her at 8 AM this morning. I know she hasn’t been sleeping much either, but she’s usually an early bird. Yesterday she told me that she had a lot to do today, so I figured she’d be up getting ready. When I called her she sounded so wide awake. She was very alert and coherent. She asked if she could call me back because her phone was dying. About 30 minutes later my phone rings and she’s questioning why would I call her so early. At that moment, I felt like every boyfriend privilege had been revoked. What happened to being able to call my girlfriend at any hour of the day? I didn’t know I could only call during certain hours. I understand the value of her sleep because she hadn’t been getting any, but damn, I remember when she used to encourage that I called her no matter the time. I’m guessing before noon on a Saturday is out of the question.

She’s calling now… I guess she proved me wrong.