Day 1: Concluded.
So, this will be my last post of day one. This is my time to vent and just really speak. It’s been a hard day. Although I’ve been posting for most of the night, I’ve been sporadically crying since around 4PM. I know my limit when it comes to tears. In most situations my eyes can’t take anymore and my tear ducts dry up. It’s not the same when you’re crying from your heart. The tears just won’t stop for whatever reason. If you saw me now, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you I once went five years without crying.
Love is scary and it’s enough to make anyone worry. I’m really afraid that this journey that I’m taking right now will push her further away from me. I’m also afraid that this whole thing won’t work. I don’t want to be awarded with a merit for a valiant effort. I’m worried. I’m afraid. I’m nervous. I’m questioning if this is worth it all. That doesn’t mean that I’ll give up. If this blog does nothing more than inspire someone else never to give up on the one they love, then I’ll be happy. Actually, I won’t be happy, but, you know.
I’m trying to be every bit of the man that she needs me to be. What if this isn’t it? Is that worth the risk? You’ll have to forgive me if I second guess myself sometimes. I’m only human. But seriously, is all of this worth that risk? With the way things are looking right now, there is a little to no chance of this succeeding. Do I continue to go on with it knowing that it could possibly be a dead end? Of course. Even though I feel as if my heart is broken into a million pieces right now, my love for her is stronger than it all.
Goodnight. Keep me in your prayers.
