Thursday, December 17, 2009

Day 8: I would rather stay asleep.

It’s been increasingly hard to wake up every morning. Usually when I wake up, she’s right next to me or downstairs somewhere. My bed has never felt so big. It’s rather weird. So, to combat all of that, I’d just rather stay asleep. Sleeping passes time until her and I can speak again. It’s easier to dream than it is to be awake without her.

I had an amazing dream last night. I rarely get dreams where my emotions are deeply drawn into them. If that does happen, then it’s usually something bad. Last night it was great. I won’t go into specifics about the dream because I’d like to tell her when we speak today. Just know that it was amazing. That’s partially the reason why I want go to back to sleep. If she’s not here now, at least I can be with her in my dreams.

I’m not sure if I’ve said it in this blog or not, but: I have this pillow that I hold in place of her. Sometimes I talk to it when I’m in bed alone. That’s extremely weird to a person on the outside looking in, but to me it feels normal. I can’t really explain it in a way that would seem normal to anyone else. It’s just a moment in where my pillow seems to take the shape of her body, the case becomes her skin, and the silence surrounding me becomes her voice. It’s a far cry from the real thing, but it’s all I have right now.

I miss her more and more every morning I wake up alone.

Posted at 12:52 PM 6 notes