I'm still new at this. - Fifteen days to make you love me

Saturday, February 6, 2010

I’m still new at this.

Sex is always such a scary topic to me. I know, it’s supposed to come natural, but I’m still shy about it. It’s weird, because I’m only shy when it comes to initiating it. I’m not so shy when we’re making love, though. I don’t know how to let you know that I’m in the mood or the feel of your body next to mine makes me want to undress you and go for it all night. I can’t control how horny I get when I hear your voice or when I feel you touch me. It’s just this automatic reaction. Is that how it’s supposed to be? I get so nervous when we’re cuddled up at night, because I can feel myself getting an erection. I don’t know how to tell you that I want your body right then and there. I honestly don’t want you to think that I’m weird and that’s all I want. I enjoy being with you, not just for sex. I can’t lie and say that I don’t want to make love to you twenty four hours of a day and seven days of the week. Even when I was just typing seven, I typed sex.

It’s always on my mind. Every morning, every night. I just don’t know how to express it. When I bring it up, I can feel myself getting as nervous as a guy approaching his longtime crush and asking her to the prom. I’m a late bloomer, I supposed. I truly wish that I knew the words to say and the places to touch you to get it all started. I’m figuring out what turns yuo on and what gets you to the point that I am. I’m easily turned on by the sound of your voice, or even a funny noise that you make that sounds like you’re moaning. Today, I sat back and watched you try on those tights and was turned on by how your legs looked, and how your ass looked when you pulled them up. I just couldn’t bring myself to say anything about it because we were having such a casual conversation. I don’t want to be rude and bring up sex when we’re talking about cell phones. I just always thought women thought that was lame. I know, you’re not every woman. I could tell that when we met.

This probably means nothing to you right now because I’ve made sex more complicated than it is. I always do. I’m telling you this stuff way too late. The truth is, I’ve been plotting on ways to make love to you ever since you came home early from work a few weeks ago. That’s the last time we did anything and I’ve been wanting it ever since; especially that night. I just didn’t know what to say. I’m nervous. It may seem like an excuse to you, but it’s so real to me.

I wish I were more aggressive. I want to be one of those guys that just lifts you up, throws you on the bed, and makes passionate love to you. I’m way to afraid that I’ll seem stupid. I think too much. That’s my problem. Why not just do it? I hope it becomes that easy in the future. That is, if you’re still turned on by me after what happened a few hours ago. I messed it up. Sex is probably some complicated thing to you now. You’re shy like me. I probably turned you off indefinitely. God, that sucks because even right now I still want to make love to you. Make up sex. We’ve never had that because we’re always so mad at each other after an argument. Let’s do it tonight. Let’s have make up sex. I’ll initiate it. Hopefully I do it right.

I don’t want to make it seem like that I’m just doing it because you want me to be aggressive. I’ll be giving my all tonight because now I’m horny at the thought of our first make up sex. I know you’re mad at me. If not make up sex, let’s have angry sex. That’ll be a way to relieve tension between the two of us. I just wish you knew how turned on I am by you. The best way for you to know is to show you.

I’m thinking about crawling into the bed with you and kissing your neck. I know you’re upset with me, so you probably won’t even look my way; but it’s worth the try. As I kiss your neck, I rub my hand up your back. I can feel that you’re tense, so I continue to kiss that spot. You know, the one under your ear? I hope this turns you on just as much as it’s turning me on just thinking about it.

How can I still be horny after I just made sex so complicated? I have no idea. It’s just you. Your body is amazing. I won’t go into detail about the things we do and how great you feel when we do them, because it’s enough to make me blush just typing it. Just know that I’m horny for days afterwards. I’m still horny from our drunken sex in DC while watching Entourage. I think about that almost everyday. Sometimes it makes me horny enough that I have to rub one out while you’re at work. It’s that serious.

It’s so weired to think like this knowing you’re so mad at me. I just can’t help it. I’ve never been turned on by anyone this much in my entire life. I haven’t wanted anyone more than I’ve wanted you. I’ve lusted after all kinds of celebrity women, model chicks, the works. Nothing compares to how I feel about you. Nothing in this entire world. I wish I had more control over it, but I don’t. Remember when I used to pride myself over that? Saying that I finish when I want and that I have such great control over when I do. I’ve lost all control over it. I feel like your instrument. When you want me to have my happy ending, you make sure it happens right then and there. It’s just those four words you say to me during sex. I hope you can figure out which ones they are. I’ll give you a hint. It’s two sentences. They’re both four words long. “___ for ___, baby.” and the other one I won’t type out! I blushed as I was adding the spaces for it. God, I’m still way to shy.