If you're reading this... - Fifteen days to make you love me

Saturday, February 13, 2010

If you’re reading this…

Lord knows that I love you. I just wish I had the money to spoil you in all the ways that I want. I know that we can’t put a monetary value on what we have, but sometimes it’s just nice to give you all of the luxuries that I know you deserve. I gave my 100% best for the last month to get money and buy you the best Valentine’s Day gift that I could afford. Somehow, I couldn’t even scrape up enough change to buy myself dinner. I’ve tried every legit source of income that I could possibly find. It’s been snowing a hell of a lot, why not snow removal? It seems that people can’t afford to pay a guy with a shovel these days. I knocked on plenty of doors. Knowing that I wouldn’t be able to get you anything this year really brought me down. I tried for the life of me to keep a positive attitude, but it was always there. I felt really useless.

I’m still not sure how to make up for not being able to get you anything this year. The only thing I have left to give are in these words. I’ve always had the right things to say to make you smile. I’ll write my heart out until my fingers are numb. Words don’t seem to be enough for what I feel for you. I’d be a fool to think that all of the right words could condense every emotion in my body that is tied to your smile, let alone every other part of you. I’ve been trying for two years now. Every time I go back to reread what I wrote, it never seems like the full effect. It’s just something you’d have to feel. If it was physically possible, and any less disgusting, I’d take my heart out and give it to you just so you can feel what I feel about you. You’d have to give it back, though. I need to continue to feel this way about you to make my days much brighter.

You know what would be a great metaphor for how I’m feeling? True Blood. Weird, right? I’m finally getting you to sit down and watch it. It’s not like you didn’t want to see it to begin with, though. You’ve just been busy. Thank God for the internet. Regardless, think about True Blood. We’re in the first season now (the second season is awesome, might I add). You know the V that they take? That’s how it feels when I’m with you. You’re my V. My senses are enhanced, food tastes better, and I see little sparks flying off of your skin. Well, not really about the sparks, but that’d be dope right?! I wish. You’re my drug of choice. Remember what they said about V? Our blood sustains life, vampire blood gives life. You give me life. And, yes, I just compared our relationship to a science fiction show on HBO about vampires, sex, and human hatred. It’s all I got, man! I need some more V (you).

You’re not one to put a lot of value on tangible things, and that’s great. Otherwise, I’d feel two times as bad about not getting you anything. You know how much I want to give you the world. I felt so inadequate. That’s something that I’m definitely sure you didn’t want me to feel. I had to make myself think like you. What would she do? You’d tell me not to worry about getting you anything. You actually did tell me that. Come on, you know me, I’m not good at taking directions. I had to do exactly what you asked me not to do. I worried. I tried my best to get you some expensive gift that’d top anything you’ve ever had in your entire life. Then I realized, I’m your good thing. I’m a daily dose of something good into your hectic life. So, I figure that you look at me as a gift that will always seem brand new everyday. Even on Valentine’s day.

So, if you’re reading this letter it means that I was unable to make my dreams come true of spoiling you this year. I know that I haven’t let you down. I’m writing you this letter as a promise of a new life. This will be the last year you have to spend without some great gift to open. This will be the last year I spend trying to scrape up change and do odd jobs to make your day special. I promise you that the rest of this year will be better. No, I’m not going to overcompensate by giving you a ton of stuff for a lack of one on Valentine’s Day. It’s not like any woman would hate that anyway. What I am going to do is make sure that everything you’ve put into me is returned in tenfold. I was serious when I told you that I wanted to make your life so easy that you wouldn’t have to work unless you wanted to. I have a plan. Unlike my plan for Valentine’s Day, it’ll work out fine.

I love you more than this letter will ever explain.

Happy Valentine’s Day.