I am so mad at you right now.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I’m highly pissed off right now. I can’t seem to sit down for more than two seconds. I’ve been trying to go to sleep just so that I’ll wake up feeling better, but I can’t get comfortable in the bed. My hands only get cold when I’m really mad. They’re cold. I feel like yelling at the top of my lungs and venting to anyone who has the ear or time to listen. I just need to get this out of me.

I feel like I have every reason to be mad at you, but even with it all going on I just want to call you and put this behind me. I’m stubborn, though. I said I’d call you back because you began raising your voice and cursing at me. I felt myself getting upset, so I just needed to step back, give you air to breathe and we’d continue our conversations at a time when you’re clearheaded and not cursing at me. Instead of giving us that space to breathe, you tell me not to call you back. That’s what sent me over the top. But, even with all of that, I can’t help loving you. All I want to do is call you and get past it all.

I love you more than I can ever express. I’ve said that a million times in this blog. It’s even true right now. I take my comfort in that. I know that nothing you could possibly do could make me stop loving you. No matter how much I want to shake some sense into you, I can’t stop loving you. It takes work to get to where I am in my heart with you. I’m so happy that I’ve made it to this point. I don’t call it blind or naive because to me it’s true love.

I just don’t want to be the person running back this time. We’re both so stubborn. It’s been so out of character of you for about a year and a half to call me and apologize to me for something, but this past month has been a great progression. Even when you’ve been mad at me you think about how it would have made me feel and apologize. I love seeing that progression in you even if you’re the most frustrating person I know. The thing is: I wouldn’t change it.

I love you.

Writing this calmed me down.